GlamPirate.

On Attending A Party With A Vampire Theme -

- a limerick about a creature of the night.

There once was a soulless VamPirate

Whose unslaked thirst left her irate.

She wandered the sea

Until she found me…

…and this is where I get stuck.

Some options:

“And forced me to be her new shipmate?”

Sigh. No.

“Too soused for her to exsanguinate?”

Good word. Clunky rhyme. No.

“And with my sweet blood she did hydrate?”

Ew. No.

“Now I am VamPirate incarnate?”

That one's not too bad. Samuel Taylor Coleridge might have liked it. I don't know if there exists a mariner more ancient than the VamPirate, after all...

Day after day, day after day,

We stuck, nor breath nor motion;

As idle as a painted ship

Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, every where,

And all the boards did shrink;

Water, water, every where,

Nor any drop to drink.

The very deep did rot: O Christ!

That ever this should be!

Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs

Upon the slimy sea.

About, about, in reel and rout

The death-fires danced at night;

The water, like a witch's oils,

Burnt green, and blue and white.

And some in dreams assured were

Of the spirit that plagued us so:

Nine fathom deep he had followed us

From the land of mist and snow.

And every tongue, through utter drought,

Was withered at the root;

We could not speak, no more than if

We had been choked with soot.

"Very pirate-y," you're probably thinking. "but today's reader wants vampires. Besides all of that stuff about those zombie sailors being so very, very thirsty, does Coleridge give me anything in this poem that relates to the blood sucking minions of the undead?"

Does he!

With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,

We could not laugh nor wail;

Through utter drought all dumb we stood!

I bit my arm, I sucked the blood,

And cried, A sail! a sail!

My Halloween was happy and filled with delights. Not the least of which was a World Series win for the Giants. Their tricks were my treats.

And to he who imagined the VamPirate into existence? Yeah, um, she did quite a bit of damage, dude. I’m gonna need an address where I can send the bill. And you should probably just forget about your security deposit...