Ministry of Nature
Department of Crabs, Spiders, and Octopuses
Arachnid Detailing Division
Quality Control
Dear Sirs and / or Madams,
Recently there has been an influx of spiders in the region of Mendocino County (Northern California, North America) which do not conform to spider coloration regulations. Enclosed are some photos which depict this nonconformity.
As per regulations set forth since the dawn of humanity in folklore, legend, and myth, spiders should be some variant of the colors black, grey, or brown. They should be menacing, frightful, creeping harbingers of doom. They should NOT look like they would look nifty airbrushed onto the back of a skateboard.
I have every expectation that this error will be corrected post-haste. I suspect that the problem stems from some disgruntled prankster or crank who thought it would be clever to make spiders look stunning and elegant rather than horrifying. He should be fired at once.
Very truly yours,
Jendocino
Dear Ms. Jendocino,
ReplyDeleteRegarding the recent spate of unusual colorings amongst many legged creatures. This season we have had a new designer working for us.
Miss Muffett, well known for her charming milkmaid inspired costumes, has taken up a lead role in dressing up the formerly drab denizens of the dark with bright pastels and cheery shades. Although, you may find this unsettling at first, we at the Ministry of Nature assure you that a bit of variety will only enliven your days.
Sincerely,
Shelob the Magnificent
Ministry of Nature
Department of Crabs, Spiders, and Octopuses
Arachnid Detailing Division
Quality Control
Dear Shelob the Magnificent,
ReplyDeleteWhile it may take me a while to get used to Miss Muffett's new spider design paradigm, I have to say that I approve of the Ministry's efforts to help her overcome her notorious arachnophobia. Also, I must admit that Miss Muffett has a degree of flair in her design sense - I have never in my life seen spiders like these, for better or worse. Thank you so much for taking a moment out of your busy day to reply. I know that organizing the mosquitoes into battalions keeps you busy this time of the year.
Very truly yours,
Jendocino
Well, I cannot wait to see the crabs. That's all I've got to say about this.
ReplyDelete