See? When it comes to Mendocino, Mr. Waddles represents. So who would abduct him? And how would you shanghai a goose this ferocious to begin with? Mr. Waddles is clearly capable of rendering any potential kidnapper into a bruised and bleeding pulp within mere seconds, so I’m worried that there’s no way to steal him quietly without wringing his neck.
And so help me god, if some deranged asshole has killed Mr. Waddles, I will hunt the jerk down, roll him naked in peanut butter suet, and let Mrs. Waddles have her way with him.
If you have any information concerning Mr. Waddles' abduction or whereabouts, please call the Fort Bragg Police Department at 707-961-2800, or KOZT-FM radio at 707-964-7277, or the Kelley House Museum at 707-937-5791.
Is this for reals? Oh, it’s for reals, all right.
Jendocino’s coming for you, you fucking ganderjacker.